The Lifted Veil

Yesterday felt like the real first day of spring. It was the first day this year I've seen crocuses, the first day I've seen people playing frisbee in the park, the first day I didn't see any snow anywhere. In the last week the last thin layer of ice covering the lake melted, the fountain came on, and the food carts came back. We made it, people. Today was even a little warmer. It may have hit 60. So what's my point? That tomorrow is an excellent candidate for Skirt Day. The day when it's finally warm enough for the undergrad girls to break out their minis and flounce to class. It may not be quite warm enough tomorrow, but it isn't usually. Skirt Day is a strange phenomenon that has less to do with the actual temperature being appropriate for skirts, and more to do with a psychological breaking point followed by a perceived shift in the weather. And I've seen a number of people in the last couple of days who were overdressed, which usually inspires an over-correction in the other direction. Now, why should it interest you that tomorrow might be Skirt Day? Because tomorrow is also supposed to be very windy, which could turn Skirt Day into Asscheek Day, and that would just be fun for everyone.

So, speaking of seeing things you're not supposed to see and that kinda give you the creeps, have you all seen Google Maps Street View? The map service through Google (which is way better than Mapquest, if any-a-y'all are still using that junk) has long had both a map version and a satellite version. The satellite version was equal parts creepy and useless, because if you've never noticed this from an airplane, well, the tops of buildings all look the same. But now... NOW... you can click anywhere on the map, and a street-level photo pops up showing you the storefronts, houses, yards, whatever is right there. And it's interactive. You can spin around, walk forward, move to the left. You can walk down your own street, without leaving your house. You can zoom in on your own house and stand in front of it like a stalker. Oh yeah, and there are people in the photos, too, so if you happened to be taking your trash out the day they took the pictures, you and your terrycloth robe are on the internet.

So, okay, first of all, PanopticonMaps--I mean GoogleMaps--how the fuck did you do this? I'm not even sure how you make something like this in the first place. Do you use video? Photo? Psychics? Secondly, how did you do it for just about every city in the fucking country? Like, side streets and all. There's no reason I should be able to see a street-level photo of the alley behind my apartment. Which brings me to thirdly: WHY would you do this? Other than because you're the Panopticon. Check out our new features! You wannnnnt the features. You neeeeeed the features. The features are harmless. The features looooove you.

Features are creepy.