"I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of Undergrad Jessie"

Oh, hello. It's you again. What are you doing here? Me? Oh, no. I haven't been hanging around this whole time waiting for you, no. I have stuff to do. I'm cool.

But since we're both here, let's talk. I haven't blogged in a thousand years. Literally. But now that I have a soul-crushing amount of schoolwork again, I'm going to need all the procrastination devices I can get. I thought a good way to kick it off might be to cover my spectacular weekend. Yeah, I know. Snoozefest. Everyone blogs about her fucking weekend. But you know what? My weekend was cooler than yours.

Exhibit A: It was my birthday. Which I share with one of the coolest grad students in the University of Wisconsin-Madison Department of English. Oh, hell. I'll say it. One of the coolest people in the University of Wisconsin-Madison Department of English. Yeah, that's right. Kristiane is a goddess. Not only did we celebrate with a giant table full of tikka masala and vindaloo... not ONLY did we throw a fantastic party complete with cake and car bombs and Coolio and me being called a "birthday whore"... No, not only all of those things. But my long-lost and darling-beloved Erinn showed up unannounced at dinner. IN THE FLESH! No, she wasn't naked. Well, she was half-naked, but that's beside the point. Her sneaky (and covered) little ass just waltzed on into Maharani in Madison like she never left. Like a cold-blooded gangsta.

Exhibit B: Erinn made apple tart. Yeah.

Exhibit C: I got to have dinner last night at a prof's house in the arboretum (read: smack in the middle of nature) with a Pulitzer prize-winning author. I will leave him (Damn, I've revealed his gender! Damn, I've done it again!) nameless. But if you ever get to hang out with a famous author who's a little flamboyant and wears tight black t-shirts and gets a little tipsy and starts slamming all of his least-favorite contemporary authors, you'll know just who I mean. Did you know that reading Don DeLillo is like being rammed by a huge dick? Me neither. (For the record, that's apparently a good thing. I'll spare the good names of the authors he eviscerated, because they were some of my favorites. :-X)

So, all of that makes the fact that I'm completely screwed this week somewhat bearable. Also the knowledge that my weekend was better than yours. That helps ease the pain a little, too.