FUCK NO.

Web errata

No real post here. Just dumping some stuff that's been accumulating on my desktop. You can click on any of the photos to see a bigger size.

1. Everything that's wrong with this country: a screenshot of the "current ads" on Facebook. Don't even get me started on the fact that you can click underneath of an ad to see a whole page of ads, or the fact of the ads in the first place. Just take a look at this shit. Unattainable figures, unattainable figures, celebrity gossip, and real estate development simulation. Poor Obama down there in the corner.



2. Stereotypes R Us: yet another facebook ad. This one really speaks to me, because I'm a girl so I do know that image is everything, especially when it comes to having the prettiest high-interest-rate credit card so that I can buy lots of stuff (I'm a girl) and live beyond my means in an adorable fashion.



3. Where the Darwin Awards come from: this is pure genius. It's tempting to give this one the same title I gave number one, but I bet these people would be awesome to spend an afternoon with.



4. Scary 'cause it's true:This is the banner on the Metro homepage. Just because many of the Madison bus drivers are terrifying Knievals, doesn't mean they should advertise that fact.
a.) Is the bus gunning for that girl? There's no bus stop there, so that's my only guess.
b.) Shambles over there on the left is the best and only evidence I've ever seen that jaywalking actually should be a crime. Is this the best they could come up with to represent our city's public transit? WTF is this photo?

The Lifted Veil

Yesterday felt like the real first day of spring. It was the first day this year I've seen crocuses, the first day I've seen people playing frisbee in the park, the first day I didn't see any snow anywhere. In the last week the last thin layer of ice covering the lake melted, the fountain came on, and the food carts came back. We made it, people. Today was even a little warmer. It may have hit 60. So what's my point? That tomorrow is an excellent candidate for Skirt Day. The day when it's finally warm enough for the undergrad girls to break out their minis and flounce to class. It may not be quite warm enough tomorrow, but it isn't usually. Skirt Day is a strange phenomenon that has less to do with the actual temperature being appropriate for skirts, and more to do with a psychological breaking point followed by a perceived shift in the weather. And I've seen a number of people in the last couple of days who were overdressed, which usually inspires an over-correction in the other direction. Now, why should it interest you that tomorrow might be Skirt Day? Because tomorrow is also supposed to be very windy, which could turn Skirt Day into Asscheek Day, and that would just be fun for everyone.

So, speaking of seeing things you're not supposed to see and that kinda give you the creeps, have you all seen Google Maps Street View? The map service through Google (which is way better than Mapquest, if any-a-y'all are still using that junk) has long had both a map version and a satellite version. The satellite version was equal parts creepy and useless, because if you've never noticed this from an airplane, well, the tops of buildings all look the same. But now... NOW... you can click anywhere on the map, and a street-level photo pops up showing you the storefronts, houses, yards, whatever is right there. And it's interactive. You can spin around, walk forward, move to the left. You can walk down your own street, without leaving your house. You can zoom in on your own house and stand in front of it like a stalker. Oh yeah, and there are people in the photos, too, so if you happened to be taking your trash out the day they took the pictures, you and your terrycloth robe are on the internet.

So, okay, first of all, PanopticonMaps--I mean GoogleMaps--how the fuck did you do this? I'm not even sure how you make something like this in the first place. Do you use video? Photo? Psychics? Secondly, how did you do it for just about every city in the fucking country? Like, side streets and all. There's no reason I should be able to see a street-level photo of the alley behind my apartment. Which brings me to thirdly: WHY would you do this? Other than because you're the Panopticon. Check out our new features! You wannnnnt the features. You neeeeeed the features. The features are harmless. The features looooove you.

Features are creepy.

Geting my accomplishment on.

I often mention "small victories." Cuz, you know, grad school takes up all your time and is really hard, and most of the time it makes you feel like a fuck-up at best, if not an essentially defective person. So I'm going to recount two victories, one small and one large.

Small: Yesterday I read an entire book. That's right. I know, I know, this is not a big deal to everyone else, because you all took some kind of "exam" where you had to read approximately 750 books in 10 days, while being poked with sticks and standing on hot coals or something. But it's a big deal to me, because I have an attention span problem, as well as a finishing-stuff-I-start problem. So, yeah. I read a 300-page book in one day, and I didn't start until 4. What's up, bitches.

(Nevermind the fact that reading that book occupied the lowest-priority slot on my to-do list, and I only read it because of a staggering guilt complex about not reading for class, and also to procrastinate on working on my term papers or reading Our Mutual Friend, which is actually relevant to my field. Also nevermind the fact that I ended up not really participating in the discussion about the book in class and instead talked about the the articles, which I didn't read. Whatever. It was a good book.)

Large: This weekend K threw up ham. Okay, okay, this is not about grad school. But it was awesome and deserves celebrating nonetheless. Saturday night, after we all ate an ill-advised amount of ham, B wagered K that he could not drink 2 beers in five minutes. No slouch to a challenge, K slapped on his smug face and put a shotglass down on the table next to his beers. 4 minutes and 50 seconds later, everyone is yelling a new-years-style countdown and K is looking quite green around the edges. Not a man to give in, however, the shotglass tips back. Also not a man who can consume a pound of ham and two beers without consequences, the shotglass tips forward again. Whiskey sprayed all over the table. K running, hand on mouth. Vomit everywhere. "Oh, God, it's all ham!" Me laughing harder than I can remember laughing in my entire life (excluding anytime I was stoned, particularly one time I laughed so hard I fell off a porch at a house party).

So things are going pretty well. Except for those looming paper deadlines. H(ow)TF am I going to finish this semester? Lord do I hate HD's class. Let me count the ways. Why am I never caught up on my reading? Why do I always feel like I'm not really learning anything? Aren't I supposed to be doing PA work? When am I going to buy plane tickets for my summer trips? Why did I sign up for a summer class with a bad professor? Should I buy a house? And HOW? Help...